


Lyrics To Set The Theme

by NavyPerks



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Pining, Relationship(s), Romance, Sherlock Being Sherlock, Songs, lyrics, mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-14 16:45:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4572021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavyPerks/pseuds/NavyPerks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So basically, we all tend to take lyrics in and use them to reflect upon our own lives. </p><p>This will be a series of sorts, one shots really, that will comprise of songs or just lyrics that remind me of Sherlock and John. Will mostly be angsty for those of you who like to bleed their hearts out. But I will try to keep it varied. This is so going to be fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back To Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This writing piece was inspired by Matchbox Twenty's "Back 2 Good". It's a sad one, and I recommend not listening to it late at night like I did... it's just too damn depressing (but oh so good).

How can Sherlock bring it back to good? He can’t. Even after meeting John, getting his life back together again, quitting the drugs, or at least trying to, he always had John. His support, his care, everything. He had everything from John… he only tried to give it back, ensure John still had everything to give. So he faked his suicide. He knew it would be a tragic loss for John… but he never guessed it would drive him to marry a woman he hardly knew… he hardly loved. And even with Sherlock back, John still went ahead and married Mary. Was that payback for hurting him? It wrecked Sherlock. Standing there, listening to their vows, made to be the best man, made to compose and play a piece, made to plan their wedding with them. On numerous occasions he questioned why he was so involved in the wedding preparations. He then realised he didn’t really have a choice… There was no other way to be with John. John wouldn’t come out on cases with him anymore because of his new obligations, and so Sherlock decided to share them with him. And that one time they did go on a case, well, it was only because Mary allowed it. Because she ultimately, she said that they could. Sherlock had loathed her so much, she was the reason for both of their misery – him and John’s – somehow, she had a control over John that Sherlock had never seen since, well, his days of living with John. At least John was happy to entertain Sherlock’s every whim. And it was that moment, that very last moment at the wedding, when the lights were dancing across people’s faces and December 1963 was on, that Sherlock felt truly alone. The feeling sunk into his bones, and suffocated him from the inside. Sherlock left, there was only so much a broken hearted man could take before cracking.

And Sherlock’s cracking came in the form of cocaine. He felt recluse in the drug den, and for a long while felt like he didn’t have to be himself, an austere and intelligent – and very much in love – consulting detective. His sigh of relief came once the solution was injected into his vein, and when he started to feel the beginnings of a rush. John would never know. John would never find him; he was too busy for him now. Too busy building a life Sherlock wouldn’t be a part of. It’s only Sherlock now. For all it’s worth, Sherlock’s suicide may as well have been real. He wouldn’t be seeing John again and is not idiotic enough to hope when hope cannot be found. He was just as godforsaken as the rest of these senseless people.

It’s over now, Sherlock mused dryly as the drug’s tendrils wrapped themselves around his mind. There’s no getting back to good.


	2. The Great Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tries to convince Sherlock it's okay to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely adore "The Great Escape" by P!nk. She is one of the most real and emotive artists that I know, and her songs have gotten me through a lot of emotional hardship. Anyway, the song initially sounds like its about suicide, and although that's one way to interpret it, P!nk states that she wrote the song with a message in mind telling people that its okay to be scared, lost or insecure. Just to feel and try to not numb down the unpleasant feelings you come across in everyday life. And I think that's beautiful. 
> 
> Also unlike my last piece, I've integrated the song's lyrics into the story. That is, it's when the characters talk. I urge you to listen to the song if you haven't already done so; it'd give you a better feel and understanding of the narrative.

“I feel like – I don’t know Sherlock like, like I could wave my fist in front of your face” And John did, helplessly, desperately, to the blank and cold face of a consulting detective. “And look – you’re not even flinching. Do you not feel a thing?”

Sherlock rolled his eyes and made his way over to the sofa.

John huffed, frustrated, “And now you’ve retreated to your silent corner. Sherlock look at me! This fight isn’t over!”

Sherlock curled up, facing away from the doctor. “Yes John, it is.”

John sighed. “Everyone you know, is trying to smooth it over. I know. They’re saying that it’s not a big deal. You don’t think so Sherlock, but they’re only trying to help you. To make the hurt go away."

Sherlock stayed silent.

John continued. “And I can only imagine how you feel Sherlock. With your great mind. It wants to be understood but they just won’t listen. I guess for you it’s like – it’s like –"

“Trying to scream underwater” Sherlock finished tonelessly.

John’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. “Is that how you…Well, I won’t let you.”

Sherlock turned in his spot, stony gaze meeting John’s. “Won’t let me what?”

John met the cold look unflinchingly. “Escape”

“Escape,” the detective deadpanned.

“Yes Sherlock, escape. Escape your feelings. The thing that you do. Turn off your emotions or whatever. You need to feel Sherlock – the good, the bad. Everything. Don’t make that escape, because it’d be the greatest mistake you’ll ever make. And you may not be able to come back from it. Allow yourself to feel Sherlock; you’re not a machine. You are human.”

“The Great Escape,” Sherlock surmised sarcastically, sitting up. “That’s precious, coming from you.”

“What do you mean?” John asked, perplexed.

“If there’s one person on Earth who I can’t figure out, who I can’t put a finger on, who I can’t understand- it’s you. You don’t fit the normal. You don’t react to normal things normally. You laugh at crime scenes but get upset over the smallest things like me not buying milk. It’s like you feel everything backwards!” Sherlock was now the one who looked frustrated, to John’s pleasure- only because John felt like Sherlock was beginning to let himself feel. “I don’t know how this works for you John, but in your own way, you’re trying to escape too. Reality can get a bit hard for you sometimes. But then comes along danger, and you’d gladly risk your life to chase after it, just to momentarily escape real life. So there you have it. It may be an alternative version of my “great escape”, but you’re doing it too.”

John wore a patient, if not a little sad, smile and strode over to Sherlock. He raised his hand and placed it atop of Sherlock’s shoulder, looking deep into his eyes. What John had to say next felt like a confession from him.

“Sherlock, you forget… I may be a doctor now, but before that I was a soldier. A soldier, who, if dared to feel things normally, wouldn’t have lasted a second on the field. Not that I kept all my feelings locked away… But I had to figure out a way to cope, to escape all the horrible things my eyes slowly grew used to seeing, and to turn it into something else. Something that by the time they discharged me from the army, made me no longer recognised my own feelings. They were so warped in and out of one another… Well what I mean to say is that you’re right, Sherlock. You are absolutely right. If anyone around here knows how to escape, Sherlock, it’s me. I’ve mastered it but I choose not to do it.”

Sherlock’s eyes were wide in wonder. “’The King of the Great Escape’” He whispered.

John chuckled lightly. “Not the way I’d put it, but okay.” John’s tone grew serious again and he crouched down in front of the detective. “But you need to listen to me Sherlock, I know it’s hard to allow it, but we need to feel emotions like passion and pain. Because they’re going to keep us alive, someday. I know, it sounds crazy but they will. There are certain things that make me scared of feeling too, Sherlock. But I want to leave that fear and uncertainty behind me. And I don’t want to lose you Sherlock, I don’t want to lose you to someone who chooses not to feel. You’ve got me Sherlock, and I, you.”

Sherlock, throughout John’s speech, had begun to blink more and more profusely. And by the time John had uttered the last word, the detective’s silver eyes were glistening wetly. He looked ashamed and embarrassed that he let his stoicism fade and ebb away. John was relieved to see the mask fall, and to see Sherlock, intense and undisguised.

“John I…” Sherlock’s voice sounded raw and hoarse from the onslaught of unwanted feelings. But they were _present_ feelings nonetheless. “I find these things difficult…but I’ll try.”

John smiled and wrapped his arms around Sherlock, pulling the detective to him in a hug.

“And I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the read and please give feedback! I like to munch on it.


End file.
